HOWEVER.
if you do not implement this one simple tweak, no matter how many social interactions you find yourself in, you will never cultivate a superior social intelligence.
Okay, I’m going to give you blue balls now, just for a second.
Before I tell you what this tweak is, let me quickly take a step backward and explain “self consciousness.”
(trust me, it will make sense when it all comes together).
Self consciousness is literally exactly what it sounds like.
You’re conscious of yourself. Meaning you’re constantly aware of what you are doing, how you’re behaving and your emotional state.
Often this is accompanied by a lot of self criticism and constant micromanaging of the self.
Let me pose a question.
If your focus is constantly on yourself, how the hell are you meant to be aware the person you are interacting with?
As men. We are very poor multi-taskers.
So when we are constantly micromanaging what we are doing or how we are acting, being “self conscious” we are literally unable to focus on the person we are trying to connect with.
Now, when first learning new behaviours, you need to be somewhat self conscious to identify and correct these negative behaviours and mindsets.
However, for MOST guys, they never actually move out of this stage.
What really cultivates superhuman levels of social intelligence is: when your focus is on the person in front of you!
I cannot stress how important this simple tweak is when it comes to improving your dating life!
You will begin to pick up the emotions she is experiencing in your presence, the subtle cues she is giving with her body language and the implicit meaning behind the words she is saying.
Dynamics that are literally imperative to your success in an interaction.
There is literally 0% chance you would be able to pick up on and interpret all of these cues if you were being self-conscious.
An easy way to describe how to implement this is to: “not focus on how you are emotionally reacting to what she is doing. Instead, be aware of how she is emotionally reacting to what you are doing.”
implementing this shift in focus is literally exactly how you cultivate social intelligence. Over time you become better at recognising these social cues, noticing patterns in behaviour and interpreting them correctly.
When you are self conscious you are oblivious to behavioural patterns, subtle cues and micro-expressions. Thus you will be handicapped when it comes to building social intelligence.
remember, you’re a terrible multitasker, so stop placing your focus on yourself and start focusing on the person you’re trying to connect with.
You cannot connect with someone if you are not conscious of them.
Cultivate “consciousness” not “self consciousness”
now go out there and begin building that super-human social intelligence.
Until next time.
Ben Sterling.
