Use these two powerful exercises to infinitely improve the quality of your relationships and unleash your natural charisma.

"Just stop giving a fuck".

You’ve probably heard it a million times, and to be fair the statement is pretty true. Not giving a fuck about the opinions of others and expressing yourself unashamedly is a pretty simple tweak that will really improve your overall quality of life as well as the quality of the people in your life.

However A major problem with this very common platitude is that it is far too simplistic.

How does one learn to let go of the deeply held anxiety of worrying about the opinions of others as well as the gross supplicating, people pleasing behaviours that accompany this thought pattern.

To allow you to let go of your incessant need to make a positive impression on every person you meet, or the common practice of laying in bed internally screaming at yourself for saying something stupid or embarrassing.

Well, in this article I’m going to explain exactly how. By teaching you exactly why you have these natural anxieties, as well as give you practical exercises to go out and implement to rid yourself of this supplicating behaviour.

Now, this article is going to be a little more self-help-y then what you would usually read on Social Freedom.

Because as soon as you begin expressing yourself unapologetic-ally and letting go of the need to please others, you will notice an instant improvement in your overall happiness, especially in social situations.

You will feel much less anxiety, if not relish in the excitement of meeting new people. However, do not underestimate the power of not giving a fuck, as it can be one of the most powerful attraction triggers you will discover.

I know it sounds a little esoteric, and that’s because it is. But you will find the moment you let go of the need to make a positive impression or to make someone like you, women will be drawn to you like a fat kid to a donut stand: hungry for more once they get a whiff of that authenticity, but fucking ravenous once they’ve had a taste.

So, Now that the introduction is out of the way. Lets get into it.

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The Fear of Judgement

Lets start with the fear of the judgement as well as the people pleasing behaviours that accompany it.

You may as well be walking around with a chastity belt. Because the subtle behaviours that accompany the need to make a good impression will assist you in protecting your virginity, much like a Nun in the 17th century.

The amount of human potential that has been lost due to the fear of what others might think is absolutely staggering.

Think about the amount of businesses that were never started, speeches that were never made, women that were never approached because of the fear that someone may think less highly of them.

Think about it, how many times have you stopped yourself doing something because you were worried about others opinions?

Maybe it was starting a youtube channel, changing university degrees, quitting your job or pursuing your true passion for collecting antique hummel dolls.

Whatever it might be, we all know that uneasy feeling in the stomach and hotness in the face that tells us we might embarrass ourselves, others will judge us, or a girl were attracted to might be turned off by us.

It’s completely normal, in fact, its biologically hardwired into us as a survival mechanism.

Because back when we lived in tribes of up to 150 individuals, if an individual was to embarrass himself or make a poor impression on his peers or superiors he could potentially ruin his chances of having a sexual partner or even banishment from the tribe (which would mean potential death)

Now because of this situation we evolved to be more cautious and experience genuine anxiety at the thought of being socially polarising.

The ironic part of this survival mechanism is that it is completely counterproductive in this day and age.

Those who are more polarising, expressive, honest with themselves and the others around them will come across almost magnetic, charismatic and are much more likely to be successful with women, and those who choose to be around them will absolutely love them.

However, on the flip side they are also far more likely to piss people off or have haters then someone who is agreeable.

In the past, pissing people off could be a life or death situation.

Now, it has almost no real repercussions (assuming you’re not polarising your superiors: you should learn to be un-inhibited, but also, use common sense)

Those who are agreeable are more likely to micromanage what they say or how they express themselves.

They’re actually less likely to have reproductive success, more likely to have many acquaintances, but will rarely have people who absolutely love them.

If you want to unlock the most charismatic, attractive, magnetic part of yourself. You need to work on disposing of the people-pleasing nature you were born with and embracing your authentic, honest self.

But “Ben” you ask, “How do I do this?”

Lean closer, my child, Let me tell you.

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#1. Stop micromanaging peoples perception of you!

If you notice yourself altering your personality in the presence of different people. You need to work on being just you in the presence of anyone. Fuck whether the girl will think the joke is funny, if you want to say it then say it.

If you behave in a way that is coming from a place of trying to get them to like you (I see this a lot with guys who become dancing monkeys when they interact with women) then you need to just stop yourself from TRYING.

A technique I like to use on program for guys who are people-pleasers. I will tell them to completely stop "trying". For the rest of the night, any time they notice themselves "trying to get someone to like them", I want them to STOP, and just have a boring conversation.

Or I will send them into interactions with the soul purpose of getting rejected.

And do you know what's really funny about this, most of the time they will accidentally start connecting with people, where before no one wanted a bar of him.

Because now he is actually expressing himself much more honestly, because he is no longer TRYING to get someone to like him.

That is one of the biggest Inner blocks I see with my clients, and myself.

I still run myself through these exercises from time to time!

I know it seems a little simplistic, however a lot of the time you will become fatigued when out at social venues or during the day meeting women, this is often because you are TRYING to get them to like you.

You are TRYING to build attraction.

So a great technique you should use to identify whether you are people-pleasing is, do you feel as if you are exerting energy while interacting with someone.

If you feel as if you are using energy, this is a pretty solid indicator you are trying in some way.

If you are expressing yourself authentically, you will always have unlimited energy to share.

If you feel drained energetically and emotionally after a night out, this is because you are putting on a persona or expressing yourself at a higher energy level then you actually were feeling. Which indicates, once again.. YOU’RE TRYING.

Fucking stop it, I cannot express how much better you will feel interacting with people once you let go of of this supplicating thought pattern.

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#2. No one actually cares about what you do, they’re too busy thinking about themselves.

There is a famous quote I heard years ago from Eleanor Roosevelt.

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you, if you realised how seldom they do”

this quote has really stuck with me since I first heard it. Because lets face it, cold approach exposes you to a ton of potential judgement, and at times, it can be absolutely fucking terrifying.

But at the end of the day, no body really cares about what you do.

Everybody is too busy worrying about themselves to really give a fuck.

They’re too busy running the rat race, stuck in their heads, worrying about what they need to do when they get home, the food they need to get at the grocery store, how they need to call their parents or how that wart on their ass just won’t go away.

Whatever you do or say today, really wont matter in 10 years.

If you approach that girl and get rejected, nothing bad can happen.

But if you decide not to do it out of fear of judgement from the girl or others, then you’ll live with that regret.

Because even if some people see you approach that girl on the subway, they might even hear some of the words you say and momentarily look at you.

In the end they will just continue living their lives and never think about it again.

Even the girl you approached, she may be flattered in that moment even if she rejected you, afterward she will probably never think about it again.

You on the other hand, will probably sit there and dwell on it for the next day, where she literally forgot about it the second you left her field of view.

We tend to overestimate our impact on others lives.

And this is entirely narcissistic. But it’s not your fault. Because you are the centre of your own universe, you will always be thinking how anything affects you personally, however, SO IS EVERYONE ELSE!

You need to remind yourself of this when you’re out taking action.

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#3. Work on being less agreeable.

Some people spend their entire lives too afraid of conflict or too worried about making a good impression that they never actually give their opinion. After a while, they may stop having an opinion all together.

They pretend to like the things other people like just because they believe it will make them more likeable.

Do you know what agreeableness really is? it’s deception.

When someone is always agreeable, sure they are easy to be around and very rarely will there be conflict with this person.

However, there will always be an un-easiness in their presence, because you don’t really know who they are, as they aren’t being authentic or honest.

They never actually share what they are thinking. And this is a huge issue for many guys.

They become scared about expressing their truth, maybe its because they’re afraid of conflict, maybe they're afraid of someone disliking them.

Whatever reason, it makes you less authentic if you don’t speak your truth and disagree with someone from time to time.

Being polarising in a social setting is incredibly powerful.

It will draw in those who resonate with you and it will repel those who don’t.

And that is exactly what you should be doing.

Because those who do resonate with you, they're the ones who you will have incredible bonds with.

If you just go through life being agreeable, no one will know exactly who you are. People will be repulsed by your in-congruence.

One of the best exercises to get comfortable being less agreeable: is to go out for a night and just disagree with literally anything anyone says.

You may have to do this exercise for a week straight, some people take longer getting comfortable with this exercise then others.

But literally just disagree with anything anyone says. Literally ANYTHING.

If they say they love dogs, now you hate dogs. If they say it’s sunny, you say its raining, If they hate Hitler, you love Hitler.

Just get comfortable with the social pressure of disagreeing.

And once you are, you will find it much easier speaking your truth, being more authentic and care much less about people pleasing once you have completed the challenge.

Remember, no matter who you are or what you do, someone will always dislike you.

And if you do try and make everybody like you. You’re going to have a very unfulfilling, very sexless experience on this planet.

Not everyone is going to like you, get over it.

You need to stop giving a shit about peoples opinions of you.

Again, it might sound counter intuitive, but once you stop, you’ll notice an instant change in the quality of the relationships in your life, as well as the people that you bring into your life.

Honestly, letting go of the need to have people like you is almost magical, how quickly peoples perception of you will change.

But at the same time, there is a nuance here.

If it becomes a gimmick, and all of a sudden you are “not giving a shit about what people think” just to make people like you, then you’re people pleasing again, be aware of this thought trap.

I know it’s nuanced, but damn you can so easily slip back into your old thought patters.

I know, because I have, multiple times.

So, to summarise this thought vomit:

Not everyone is going to like you.

Your fear of other peoples opinions is irrational and will only stop you going for what you want.

When you try to get people to like you, you are essentially being deceptive, and this is repulsive.

Stop micromanaging your behaviours around others in order to make a positive impression on them.

Get comfortable expressing your authentic self, unapologetically.

Get comfortable being polarising and disagreeing with others.

And last of all:

Always go for what you want. In the end no one truly cares about what you do and they’re only worrying about themselves.

You won’t regret getting rejected or failing.

you will regret not actually taking action and going for what you want, just because you were afraid of others thoughts.

Don’t live with regret, you only live one life.

Until next time,

❤

Ben Sterling.