"I’m an introvert".

I hear this statement thrown around a ton in my line of work

A lot of people use this “identity” as an excuse for not taking action and improving their dating lives.

I used to do the same thing.

Popular culture has lead you to believe that what makes an introvert is when a person loses energy being around people and needs alone time to recharge their social battery.

However, this is not entirely true.

Now, there are people who are genuinely introverted because they don’t actually experience much pleasure from interacting with and connecting with others.

BUT! This is a minuscule, extreme minority in the human population.

Simply because humans evolved over millions of years to gain huge amounts of pleasure from bonding with one another.

Just like the brain releases pleasure chemicals when we eat food and have sex. It does the same when we socialise and create social bonds with others.

This is because the brain rewards behaviour which increases your chance of survival.

Now, back to introverts.

A lot of people believe they are introverted because they find social situations exhausting.

However it is not the social situation that causes this. It is their interpretation of the situation.

“introverts” tend to also experience higher levels of social anxiety,

they interpret social situations as potentially "threatening" environments.

they over analyse, they are more careful with their word choices

they find it harder to express themselves because they don’t want to make a bad impression.

Constantly micromanaging,

They care more about others opinions and being accepted.

They tend to try harder to please those around them and care deeply that those they interact with have a positive experience due to heightened levels of empathy.

Now, doesn’t that sound EXHAUSTING?

No wonder introverts need to “recharge” after these experiences.

And when they are alone they are not constantly micromanaging, worrying about their image or peoples opinions.

It is just themselves they need to worry about.

It’s comfortable.

Now, how do introverts work on becoming more extroverted: expressive, free, un-phased by others opinions, doing exactly what they want.

1. desensitisation to social environments: you need to put yourself in social environments more often, including situations where you might feel higher levels of social pressure, or situations you may feel disapproval.

This will provide your brain with evidence that it is okay to not have everybody like you, and that no matter what the situation, you will ALWAYS be fine.

2. you need to practice shutting off your brain, when you notice yourself over analysing or micromanaging, shut those thoughts down.

Now this may put you more in your head at first, but accept you need to rewire your thinking.

3. go out with the goal of expressing yourself. And start just saying whatever comes to the top of your head. You need to destroy your filter. don’t worry if it might be silly at first, but after a while you will begin to feel socially liberated.

Know, your authentic personality has value. And people will resonate with you.

4. let go of other peoples opinions. Their opinions do not affect you. Not everybody will like you, and you won’t like everybody.

Stop trying to please everybody around you and start bringing in those people that you resonate with.

5. stop identifying as an introvert. You just need to free yourself of some negative thought patterns and anxiety.

6. You currently see social situations as potentially "Threatening" environments.

you need to re-frame this view and focus on the possibilities that may come from a social situation. The opportunities that can arise from just talking to another person.

Once you begin to free yourself of these thought patterns and identity, you will begin to taste what social freedom feels like.

However there is so much more to becoming socially free.

This is just a quick article for you guys that like to identify as introverts, and for the record, as I stated earlier, I too used to class myself as an introvert.

Before I began to understand what was really going on in my head.

Until next time.

Ben Sterling.